10. Rumpelstiltskin commits suicide like a deranged gymnast

9. Goldilocks is a wizened criminal

8. The Frog King has the magic beat out of him

7. Beauty’s jealous sisters conspire to see her eaten alive

6. Hansel and Gretel had homicidal parents

5. The Princess’ lament about the pea

4. The prince from Rapunzel attempts suicide, goes blind

3. The Little Mermaid is in constant pain, contemplates murder, dies

2. Cinderella’s evil stepsisters mutilate their feet

1. Little Red Riding Hood cannibalizes her grandmother